too much isolation leads to

fun contemplation

day carries in night
and touches earth with silence
left with sounds of life
and echos of the time passed

and another

hugging the petal
the dew quivers with earth's breath
soon the light shines through
coaxing the dew drop to warmth
to its home, within the wind

psychopaths versus saints

is there a balance between being selfish and selfless? maybe there isn't, in categorical terms; life is either black or white in that aspect....i think. as humans, we are born with an innate sense of winning and losing...under all or no situation, the later being the most elusive of the bunch. it's like we've internalized and simplified game theory. no, i'm not a misanthrope, it's just reality. people are rarely entirely selfless, and if they are, it either took a lot of conversations with god or some mind altering experience on the utmost subliminal level to reach that point. even at that, is a selfish act as their actions and thought processes are navigated by the motive of appeasing a higher power or mantra. alright, that was a very cynical thing to state, and yes, maybe i am a bit of a misanthrope...again, a bit, not entirely.

i have faith in the kindness of people, and in those instances, when it's unconsciously done without any motives other than to offer genuine respect, i guess that's being selfless. alright, so in some situations, we can really give a rat's ass about winning or losing.

anyways, within the spectrum of selfish and selfless behavior, is there a mean? what would constitute as the in-between? most importantly, an in-between that would not involve transaction costs, therefore, a natural balance. there should be a balance, as the world would be out of whack if people naively walked about, trusting and passing kindness to every soul sucking psychopath that roamed the earth. however, that's life; informally out of order. perhaps, there will never be a balance, maybe that is what makes us human.

minus five inches of hair = cathy, green with anger

i went in to get my hair cut today. normally, i would cut my own hair (this is attributed to being a college student/intern that would rather spend money on greater luxuries such as food, gas and coffee), although, i'm usually content with my novice cutting skills. however, i'm stressed, so i needed this hour of being spoiled.

i walk in to my usual place, okay, the last time i walked though those doors was when i walked out from my last haircut over a year ago....anyways, i walk in and tell the available stylist that i ONLY want half an inch off the ends. she then asks me "layers?" i then reply "no. no layers". perfectly understandable, she was just being cautious that i either did or didn't want layers.

she washes my hair, then walks me over to her chair, i sit and wait for my garbage-bag-esque shawl and am suddenly pricked by several stray hairs left over by her previous victim. whatever, i really didn't give a shit and brush em' aside. then i close my eyes and fall asleep while she cuts my hair. something about another person handling my hair/head aids an immediate comfort to me. kinda like being shoved back into the womb, and retreating in the momentary comfort of warmth and unconsciousness. (sorry, just keepin' it real) back to the story. she taps me on the shoulder and asks if i'm content with my new hairdo, i thrust myself back to reality and open my eyes, and the first word that comes to mind is "fuck".

she gave me fucking layers. she thinned out my hair and i'm pissed. i know, this is such a petty thing to agonize over, but fuck!!!! hair is a part of an individual's identity, and at this current state, my hair doesn't symbolize me. i'm mad, so mad that if i was the hulk, i would be a large green man raiding a cupcake shop for all of its delights....then i would repulsively scarf down those fuckers in front of the employees and patrons. however, my consciousness would get the best of me, and i would cower in shame for hogging all of the cupcakes. after sulking in self loathing, i would get my green ass behind the counter and bake for the store's employees and all of its patrons.

wow, i'm suddenly not that angry.......my hair will grow back.

coffee+no sleep+strippers+indonesia= too much typing

hooray!!!!! after one sleepless night of studying and taking the most horrible final (which i most likely failed cause, well, apparently my geriatric tendencies have kicked in, therefore impairing my ability to retain any new knowledge and of course, to remember old information) where every other sentence contains the words "implementation" and "strategy", I decided that there is no way i can go back to bed, cause, well after downing so much coffee and being awake for so long, it's kinda hard to stabilize oneself, let alone fall asleep. i guess i have to wait for that "crash and burn" period to approach...man, is there ever a medium between being insanely awake and dreadfully tired?

so, back to story time, while i was researching information regarding boring material and shit, i got sidetracked and decided to take a break; i went onto my site to see what new discoveries are going on in the eternally skewed world of, well the world. interestingly, i stumbled upon a blog about an M.B.A program for strippers and prostitutes. WOW, really? higher education has really taken vast improvements in society, cause now a stripper can have credentials (obtained in a day) that surpasses my measly bachelors degree. damn, i wanna be a master of something, i can be the idiot savant of stripping. i'm sold! oh, did i mention that the institution's tagline reads, "Tired of dancing every night, and never getting ahead?" hehe.
oh, and one qualifying factor, the application requires that you solve the complex mathematical equation: 2 +2 =??? seriously, check it out yo: http://edmba. starlight-ministries. org/

well, after reading that and doing a lil' jig, i checked my email and to my delight, reuters was awesome enough to send me my fix of "oddly enough". when i clicked through, the opening page directed me to the headline, "Prostitute Pants Padlocked" Apr. 15 -" Masseuses in Indonesia's East Java province are now required to wear padlocks on their pants to stop prostitution." those poor gals, trying to work and their government is stripping away their means to a decent living by forcing them to wear these "chastity belts". yeah, that might prevent them from prostituting early on, but eventually, wouldn't they retaliate against the unjust constraint? perhaps it will set some sort of disequilibrium and provoke a women's liberation protest, i can picture the headline, "women of Indonesia erect the sex industry and have plans to penetrate the market at full force" . hhmmm...maybe these women need to enroll in the stripper academy, i'm sure they'll learn handy "strategies" to "implement" against their local government.

return of the end of the semester blah, blah banters

I noticed a habit of mine, during the final month of the semester, I write excessively. Academic? Well, yes, but I'm referring to delivering dumb ass banters, such as the one you are reading and perhaps farting/yawning/eating to right now. (if you are the type of person who treasures your precious time, maybe you should stop reading as you will feel rightfully robbed of your minute) This has to be attributed to my limited human interaction within that (or this) time frame. Somehow, I have found a way to remedy my need for social interaction by means of writing thingies like this. It's just my way of venting my thoughts and in a way, hopelessly touching base with civilization.

Anyways, today, while I was studying at school, I noticed a girl walking towards my table. She was gripping onto a matte covered book, grainy in texture of course (my favorite,, reminds me of peach fuzz), she had the biggest, fucking cheesiest smile on her cherubic face. For some strange ass reason, I felt my face heat up and turn red; I was livid. Why was I so pissed? I was jealous. Envy permeated my mind and I was pissed that this girl was going to sit down and read a book. What's interesting was that I had to take a moment to realize that what I was feeling extended beyond anger, that I was experiencing envy. It was like I was five years old again, and I wanted to steal that book away from her…..I should be the one reading for pleasure…man, at this point, reading anything non-business related would be a dream…then I noticed that I was glaring at her, watching her sit down on the ass scented pleather cushioned booths near the tables, and inevitably, opening that grainy textured book. suddenly, I felt like homer simpson when he had set his eyes on the venus di milo gummy…..i really wanted that fucking book. man, i can't wait till' this semester is over....

okay, back to my rendezvous with mr. asspiss, the not so friendly textbook.

the incessant banter of a not so tiny, mostly asian girl

my belly is full of processed food and beer right now. i feel like crap and delightfully wonderful at the same time. although my intention for this night was to study and work on my dreaded case studies (which, the process in itself, by the way, have now taken on a whole new meaning to the word "doom"), i decided that the wisest route for tonight, in no particular reason, is to hang out with my lovable chums. despite the fact that graduation is near, i have taken into consideration that my grades are riding on a some what decent plane; therefore allowing me the pleasure to engage in a day/days of mental decadence this semester. i really don’t care; as long as i don’t fail my classes and my GPA remains on a level of grad school admittance, i’m cool. wait, grad school admittance? at this point, i don’t think that i would even consider attending grad school, at least not for business. i’m over business, i’m over school....essentially, i’m over my major.........despite working three whole years towards this degree and realizing at the last minute that my "plan" is no longer in my endeavors, i’m happy cause i now know that there is something bigger for me.........

oh, and for those of you who know about my silly keychain......the good ole ball and chain that served as a constant reminder to me that someday i will attend this "dreamy" school......well, i threw out my key chain and gave it a proper burial; it is stuffed inside a half eaten burrito, adorned with tortilla chips inside a dumpster. sweet bliss of symbolism on a platter..........cheers to new goals